Thinking

Haven't blogged in a long time.

It's been a busy few weeks. Finally have a few days off and it feels fantastic to not have to be somewhere (ok... that somewhere is mostly at work)

In the last month, I've done lots of travelling, lots of contemplating, learning, growing.

Was in Dublin at the end of May for an acute medicine course. The course was actually really good. Very succinct, yet not too intense. Don't think anyone really wants to hear about the details of what I learnt about the best management of meningitis though. I did however experience something that I realised at that very time was a first. Well, I really only went to Dublin for the course. Arrived at the hotel about 12.30am on Monday morning and the course was due to start at 9.30am. As I got ready for bed, it hit me... Before that night, I had never stayed in a hotel room alone before. It was very strange. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. Did some thinking instead... the details of which are a little to close to my heart to blog.

Anyway, got back from the course on Tues night and left for Cardiff on Wed for W's wedding. Ahh... spent about 5 days there helping with wedding preparations, then there was the actual wedding. It was a trip that left me with lots and lots of thoughts. I was pretty sleep-deprived at the end of it, having stayed up quite a few of the nights chatting with my fellow bridesmaids. As I caught the flight back to Glasgow early Monday morning, I was really exhausted. Despite this, my mind was racing. I'd come to see what really mattered to me, what and who I'd taken for granted, what I wanted to change, how I want to lead my life...
It all sounds a little wishy-washy, but there's just so much that is in the form of "feelings and emotions" that it is hard to express. Furthermore, it may involve describing events or situations which might step on some toes...

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Anyway, after all the running between dublin, glasgow, cardiff, southampton etc, I returned to Glasgow and it was "payback time". It was work, work and more work. I'm sure no one really wants to hear more about that...

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Then there's the whole job saga. I wasn't offered anything during the initial round 1 offers. (the whole job application process in the UK is just too complicated to explain... all I can say is that it's far from organised and far from humane) Was resigned to having to apply for round 2 and do some locums from august... was even thinking of going travelling, doing missions work... it was all part of the "Why should I conform... I'll just go do all the things I've always wanted to do" phase.

Well, as I was trying to make changes to my CV before printing it out and sending my 2nd application for round 2, an email came in. Looked like one from the job people. I've learnt by now not to get my hopes up cos repeated disappointment still stings (and you thought I'd be completely numb by now). Opened the email and to my disbelief, it was an offer of a 1 year post in London/KSS. I was elated to have a job to go to in August. Given the current job situation, jobs are like gems... (it's sad I know) Then it started to set in... that in 6 weeks, I'm going to have to relocate across the country. I still don't know where in London or Kent or Surrey or Sussex I'll be working in or what the post entails. All I know is that I'll have to leave Glasgow.

It's been 8 years, a good 8 years. I still remember the time when I flew up from Cambridge to Glasgow for the medical school interview. It couldn't have gone more wrong. I'd left my lugguage on the conveyor belt and had to tell the bus driver to let me off so I could go collect my lugguage. Then getting in a cab from the bus station and it took me to the wrong place. And being told by the accommodation people that my interview venue was a 15 minute walk away. (I later stayed at that same student accommodation in my first year and realised that even when you walk that same route everyday at "Singapore+daughter-of-a-i-don't-wait-for-you-mother" pace, you won't make it there in 15 minutes) Needless to say I was late for my interview. Thankfully, the interviews were running late. The weather was to-die-for- a shade of winter grey with persistent drizzle and bone-biting chill. I told myself that Glasgow would be my last choice of Universities. Well well... guess what, I've lived in this "last choice" place for 8 years and have absolutely loved every bit of it. I've seen in these years how faithful my God has been and how even when my human mind cannot see beyond the blanket of grey, the light always breaks through. Once again, the joy is in the journey :)

So dear Glasgow, it looks like our 8 years is nearly over and it's time I bid farewell. I'll visit, promise!

God's been faithful and will remain faithful... "I must trust, I must trust... and believe that I can trust...."

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More to come...